Walking through the Jet Blue terminal at JFK, I wonder when I missed its mallification. I had traveled lately on Virgin America, an airline that provides groovy Studio 54 lighting as early as 7 am. One might expect to see Liza Minnelli piloting the plane sporting Halston bell-bottoms. The Virgin terminal is non-existent and tucked so far out of reach, you might drop 5 lbs. on your way to the gate.
Jet Blue's terminal, on the other hand, is a Holy Wow in your face. But first I have to get off Crazy Line #1, labeled “Bag Drop.” Given the privilege of printing my boarding pass at home has done squat for me time-wise and I’ve spent the last 30 minutes hyperventilating. Time is not on my side. Next up is Crazy Line # 2: Security. The stripping and pat downs makes me think of my pole dancing class. I would be suggestive in hopes that the TSA will stuff dollar bills down my panties, but I don't want to get arrested.
I hustle to Gate 18. Even though I'm running late, I Spy a vending machine selling, wait for it, Essie Nail Polish. A lovely machine, so poppy and colorful, there was no choice but to stop. Boarding has begun at Gate 18, but this is a Nail-Polish-Vending-Machine, people. Let's recap: I can't bring my 32 oz. can of Elnett Hairspray on the plane, which will no doubt explode in my luggage, but I can polish my toenails?! I guess if I put my toes up on the tray table, I’d have a few hours to get out of this concocted position. But, shit, I'm not Nadia Comaneci. Responding only to the cocktail-themed polishes, I can’t choose between Mojito Madness and Splash of Grenadine, so I move on.
Essie Nail Polish Vending Machine
A few feet away there’s another even more fabulous vending machine. Brought to you by the consistently effervescent Benefit Cosmetics, I do have to question why I would need to buy makeup for a departure flight. I just spent the last 48 hours stressing over which pore refiners, cellulite reducers, and anti-aging BB cream to pack….or should I have packed CC cream? I probably could use some Erase Paste. It’s all so confusing.
Benefit Glam Up & Away Vending Machine
Should I view this as a business opportunity? I’m curious how fine jewelry would do in a vending machine. My son had this brilliant idea of a design-your-own concept: pick a pendant from column A, a chain from column B, swipe your credit card or input cash. A $500 necklace would be 2,000 quarters. Easy breezy. We hope you love your jewelry. Sorry we can't take returns, your flight is boarding. Have a nice trip.