Episode 13: Bag Lady

Huffington Post Netflix New York Times ScoopNYC Tory Burch Warren Zevon

I don't want to sound deluded but I consider myself to be pretty stable (insert snickering here, my friends).  I don't think I'm saddled with too much madness.  There are things, like I insist we go to a restaurant that takes reservations on a Saturday night.  So sue me.  And I hate going to the movies when there are more than 3 people in the theater.  Like the Bionic Woman, my amplified senses hear every soda slurp, burp, and popcorn crunch.  Oh, and the light glowing from the inescapable iPhone blinds me like a lunar landing.  Stop texting, Jackass.  Better yet, I’ll stay home with Netflix, thankyouverymuch.

On the home front I'm neat, but not obsessively so.  I don't do well with what the late Warren Zevon called, "Disorder in the House."  My husband, left to his own devices, is a horror show.  Construction saved our marriage because he now has his own closet. Stuffed to the rafters with carcinogenic dry cleaning plastic and piles of laundry, I live in a state of blind bliss.  Close the door to your own cesspool and we shall live our lives in harmony. 

Hubby's Closet 


Today, however, was Judgement Day.

I clearly do have a shit storm of a problem that trumps Hubby's.  While trying to reach for a box in the coat closet, I was nearly asphyxiated by an avalanche of shopping bags.  Like gray hairs, the more I pulled out, the more showed up. 

My "Collection"


In 2007, the NY Times featured an article, "Never Mind What’s in Them, Bags Are the Fashion,” declaring that the "Lowly, free store bag is undergoing a luxurious makeover."  Fast forward 8 years and it appears that I've been "collecting" bags in earnest, but lost track of when I started "hoarding" them.

Taking inventory of my stash, I plainly see that I've kept bags for different reasons: 

  1. Nostalgia- Takashimaya and SeaCloth, RIP 
  2. Souvenirs-  Positano, Istanbul, St. Bart's 
  3. Too Beautiful to Toss -Tory Burch
  4. Status Symbols - Hermes, Oscar, Prada


The store I hold most accountable here is Scoop NYC. I pulled out over a dozen vinyl totes, each a yummy combination of braided rope handles and neon colors.  Such enablers!  I realize it's a testament to how often I've shopped there, but they need to give it a rest for my health's sake.  I can see it now on the Huffington Post: Woman Suffocates from ScoopNYC Bags (Hers Was a Most Colorful Life.)  

Shopping Bag Ho


Older Post Newer Post

  • David on

    Great blog you have here. Thanks for the chuckles. And yea…my wife Christmas gift bags are stashed everywhere. Going a 25 year marathon, you would think maybe one would get recycled. You’ve got a new reader here. Best wishes.

  • susan on

    I have pared my collection down to simply a bag of bags. They have been carefully edited and preserved by dividing them into my own variations of the catafgories that you wrote about above. These bags were the only ones I could save during our move and construction. They are gold.

  • sylvia on

    very funny. I relate. If I didn’t have. 3×5 apartment, I would do the same thing.

  • janet on

    Love this one. Thinking about my bag collection and a big smile comes to my face. Oh and Warren Zevon I haven’t heard his music in a while. You
    sure have a way with words Xxooooooo

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published