Due to acute laziness, it’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog, Some dear friends have urged me to keep on writing the good write, so here I go.
I met a woman named Pam on Instagram. Don’t get any sick ideas….we are both married with families and, ahem, perfectly normal. What started out as a Mutual Admiration Society (we bought each other’s products*) turned into a deep friendship. Pam is from the Bayou, in Louisiana. Previous to knowing her, my only Bayou-related experiences are through television shows True Detective Season 1 and True Blood. I invited her to come stay with me in Connecticut, pretty secure in the knowledge that she wasn’t a vampire. The itinerary we planned was this: 3 nights at my house near the beach, 2 nights in Manhattan. Due to the steep summer hotel prices, we agreed to share a room. God help us.
As time drew closer, anxiety gripped me. What had I done, inviting a total stranger to my home? Pam & I spoke about our trepidation on the phone: Are you a serial killer, hahaha? If you’re a grifter, I ain't got no money, bwahahaha, She was afraid of traveling, something she hadn’t done in the New Age of TSA checkpoints. Also, fyi, she needed fresh brewed chicory coffee in the AM. When I told her I only had a Keurig, she laughed heartily. She would arrange to ship her own coffee, if I didn’t mind. I confessed to sleeping both with an eye mask and white noise, and that I’m basically a nut job in designer clothes. LOL.
Fresh Brewed Only
I picked her up at Westchester Airport. As she walked through the door, I felt as if I knew her my whole life.
Camera shy in Southport, CT
Pam is a fascinating story teller. She lives on a 40 acre lot resplendent with Civil War ghosts and misfit neighbors, straight out of Elmore Leonard’s Justified. She has 4 daughters, and an adoring husband. He is home a week, “off shore” the next. As a result, Pam is fiercely independent, which worked out perfectly. For me, waking up every day is akin to waterboarding. I like to say, I wake up at the crack of noon. Pam is ready to rule the day at 6:00 AM. She did her own thing while I wasted the morning hours unconscious.
Me trying to get out of bed every morning.
When we got to Manhattan, primitive instincts put me right into Native Mode. I started to walk faster than Usain Bolt even though there was no reason to be racing. Pam sashayed, strolling with a sexy, catwalk gait. I was compelled to slow down and accept the pace.
New Yawkers are not easily charmed but Pam was all Hey Ya’alllll, how y’all doing? Everyone responded to her. I wanted to hate her.
That’s the thing: I wanted to hate her. But it was impossible. Pam is beautiful, talented, generous, considerate, funny and smart and I wanted to fuckinghateherguts. She was the partner of my dreams with the wrong genitalia.
I imagine this might come as a big sigh of relief to our families. Hey ya’all, your mom is ferociously fantastic, but she ain’t my type! But thanks so much for sharing her!
Next stop, Louisiana.
*WaterOaksFarms is artisan crafted bath and body products formulated to cleanse, soothe and rejuvenate the body with 100% pure plant based ingredients. http://wateroakfarmsinc.com/